If I Told You , You Wouldn’t Believe Me

I just had two RNs and the PAC Dr from hospice here. They gave me new instructions on caring for mom.

I am to continue the steroids because she could go in to withdrawals if we stop them. I have to crush them between two spoons, add a little water and put it in a syringe and put it in a certain place in her mouth. No other meds at all except liquid morphine if she is having labored breathing or is in pain. She never complained of pain so they told me to watch for signs like grimacing or moaning. However she made not a sound when they turned her to check her butt and then put the dreaded catheter in.

The DR or PAC or whatever she is (Denny Price is a PAC and I trust him with my life so it’s all good) took me aside and told me that it was a gift from God that mom has no apparent pain and is as peaceful as she is. When cancer gets in the brain it can cause wild things to happen to people; violent behavior, thrashing around, so on. She assured me that mom will go peacefully. She did tell me mom was having petite mal seizures and not to worry unless they became pronounced and then I was to call for instructions on another medicine to administer.

Yes, she can hear. I sang some more to her and Judy talked to her on the phone again. The blues station is still playing. Law and Order SVU comes on soon. NO, I don’t want the counselor or chaplain here…they just make it worse for me. I’d rather face it by myself, thank you very much. No, I ain’t answering the phone so don’t call. (Judy and Shane are the exceptions here)

How much longer? Could be hours, could be days. They gave me more signs to look for, like in that stupid stupid book I got last week. Once again today I heard “Did you get the blue book?” ” YES….. I got the damn thing!” I hate that book, although I guess it’s good information to have. I was going to send it to Judy but I think I’ll have me a good old fashioned book burning when then fire danger goes down a  bit here.